Emotions is a funny thing.

Human nature is odd.  Its funny how we react to things and what emotions surface.  I have a singles profile on Catholic Match dot com.  Its basically a singles and social network for Catholics.  But I have been trading emails with a woman in Kansas, I am in Indianapolis, Indiana.  She said in her last email that she is dating someone now exclusively but would like to still remain email friends.   The funny thing is that she is over 13 hours away, and only been talking a little, but I had a wave of sadness and hopeless feeling.

I have been single most of my life, and never have married.  In the past when relationships ended, I was totally crushed and paralyzed from it.  Also in the past, when I would get the feeling that I mentioned above, I would project that that feeling would be forever.  That I will always be alone, and always feel hopeless and sad.
But even thou that feeling and emotion was just a moment, I was taken back that I could be effected like that, even for a moment.  I have grown a lot spiritually and in my emotional being in the last year.  (leaps actually!) Before the old me would let that feeling take over.  Instead today I can feel it for a second recognize it and move on.  But I just really thought it was odd that I even felt that way.  I even had a slight feeling of rejection, even thou I had not been rejected, or had any real reason to feel that way.
We react in such funny ways to things.  I am just happy that today I don’t have to let my human feelings and emotions crush me.  Through my connection with God and his only begotten son, Jesus Christ, I am more balance and have a better ideal of what true love is.
Its nice to feel good, but that’s such a short lived feeling.  I will just have to continue to pray and grow in my relationship with Christ and hope that its God’s will that I will share love in this existence with a mate.

~ by Polish Jedi on March 23, 2009.

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